Fat Louie was getting old.
He was a fat white duck, and he was suffering with the gout.
He had contracted the gout as a result of eating rich human foods thrown into the lake at Snapfinger Woods Estates, a complex east of Atlanta.
Snapfinger lake was man made, as an amenity for the residents of the condominium complex.
Louie had been top duck when he was younger.
His flock consisted of 12 adult ducks in the spring,usually expanding to 17 or 18 by fall.
His superior swimming ability ensured that Louie would be the first to reach the food.He loved to showoff his speed, and he really loved the morsels that his humans threw into the lake.
The gout is a painful form of arthritis that develops from excessive consumption of rich foods. In ducks this results in elevated levels of uric acid, which can crystallize and form painful deposits in a ducks webbed feet or ankles.
In Louie’s case the crystals settled in his right ankle causing pain and a difficulty in swimming and walking.
The gout is known as the rich ducks disease.
Ducks in the wild, subscribe to the adage,” survival of the fittest”. When Louie developed his painful affliction,the flock turned on their leader.He was chased away and forced out of the water.
Louie spent his days alone,on dry land, He became a clown,waddling around the Snapfinger Woods grounds. When he saw a potential food suplier he would go into his pathetic quacking act ,hobbling with great effort. The “awwws” invariable turned into more food for Louie.
As the seasons passed, Louie became fatter and fatter. He was very lonely .
One day he looked at his reflection in the water. ” Louie, your getting old,” he said to himself. ” I think its time to get my leg fixed.”
The Greater Atlanta Duck Association (GADA) had passed the Universal Fowl Health Reform Act of 09 (UFHRA ‘09) . According to GADA, every duck in the greater Atlanta area would recieve free premium government supplied health care .
” Health care on demand. I’m ready to get treatment for my gout. ” Fat Louie quacked. ” I’m getting old, and its time for me to get back into the water. Maybe I can even find an old Daisey to keep me warm in the winter.”
Fat Louie went to the GADA satellite office in Stone Mountain.
Two very pretty an very young Dasie’ s greeted him at the front door. “Hello Mr Louie,” they quacked. ” Please wait over there and we will add your name to the list.
Fat Louie walked through the door that they indicated.
It was a very large and very noisy room filled with several thousand assorted fowl.
The noise was deafening. There were birds of every species and every age from hatch lings to the very old.
There were wires and roosts filled with waiting patients and the ground was crowded with non flying birds .
The floor was covered with upward of a foot of poop, and the cacophony of hoots, caws,quacks and assorted bird calls was deafening.
Louie looked around for someone in charge.
The scene was chaotic, and finally Louie found a small group of white ducks off to the side,
He waddled towards them glad for some familiar ducks.” Hello everyone. My Name is Louie, Fat Louie. When do I get to see the doctor?”
The group of white ducks looked at him for a moment then all began to quack at once.
” Hold on, one at a time please, I can’t understand you all talking at the same time.”
An elderly gentleman with molting feathers and a pair of spectacles perched on his nose, stepped forward.” I’m Daniel Duck. and I have been here the longest, so I suppose I qualify as a spokesman.”
“How do I get to see the Doctors? How long will this take? I have things to do at home this evening”
Daniel looked at him and shook his head” I’ve been here waiting to see a doctor about my failing kidneys for almost two weeks.”
“Why so long?” asked Louie,” I thought UFHRA guaranteed us free medical care.”
“It does my friend, it does. The problem is that there are not enough doctors, and most of the good ones have gone away to other cities. Because of the shortages, the government has prioritised our access to medical care based upon our are, and the cost of treatment. ” He had a sad look in his eyes.
” You see, I’m old, and not worth very much to the greater good, so they keep putting me at the back of the line. Eventually I’ll get a turn, but the fird flu that has hit Atlanta is keeping the nurses and doctors busy with younger more cost effective patients
They figure I don’t have much time left anyway.”
“Universal free health care my aching right foot,” squawked Louie, and he waddled out of the room and headed towards home so that he could at least die in his own pond.